I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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