he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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