Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
