if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
