She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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