spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
