i was born a porn star she said
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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