We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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