happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i came on her dog
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
