If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
