I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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