I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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