I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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