she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
