You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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