we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
