UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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