Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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