theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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