Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
