I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
