ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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