I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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