It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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