You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
