He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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