Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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