they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
