Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
