He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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