And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
