Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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