Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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