i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
