shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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