I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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