In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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