Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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