I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
