Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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