Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
