2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence