Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.