Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.