I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?