Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
