from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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