I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
