drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
