do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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