Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
