I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
