I'm eating all of the evidence.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
