Kiss
Puke
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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