We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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