I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
