is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
