last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
