yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
