Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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