I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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