the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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