my mouth tastes like poor choices
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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