Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
