What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
