we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
