I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
