hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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