I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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